Nazzle's Shady Grotto Rehabilitation Clinic

This is my entry for Gomeaggedon's contest. Link

Realizing there was a market for rehabilitating Warlocks that was
largely unexploited, the beneficent goblin Nazzle decided to step in
to help with this problem at a large profit for himself. For maximum
effectiveness and profitability we follow the three S'es: Security,
Speed, and Profit. To cover security, we chose a remote cave system to
house our facilities, and caved in the entrance. The only way in or
out is through a portal, so escape is much cheaper to prevent. We also
reverse-engineered the Summoning prevention system used at Tempest
Keep on the off chance that one of our patients manages to bribe
another Warlock. We also have a deal with the Sha'tari Skyguard for
specially trained Nether Ray's to inhibit spell casting, and in
extreme cases provide shock therapy.

For speed we have a specially designed "10 Steps to Freedom" program.
Step 1 - Bag and Demon Removal: We do this to ensure our patient will
not have access to soul shards, remove their dependency on Demons, and
help cut all ties to their old Warlock way of life. This process
usually requires some force, but any damage done will just make Step 2
that much quicker. Part of our Nether Ray training is specifically
designed to prevent Imp summoning as well, and all our patients are
accompanied by at least three Nether Rays at all times.

Step 2 - Death: Warlocks rarely go long without a soul stone, and the
quickest way to remove this is death. It may sound cruel, but we have
trained healers on call to provide resurrection if necessary. Tough
love is much quicker and effective, and time is money.

Step 3 - Fire: Fire has a cleansing effect in nature, and even Druids
approve it's controlled use in forests to clear brush and rejuvenate
the area. At NSGRC we use fire as a form of rehabilitation. It's used
extensively in Step 2, and we use fire spells as a link crossing the
gap between Warlock and Mage. We have counseling sessions where our
patients are allowed to decimate target dummies with fire spells.
These sessions are lead by Mages and are used to train our patients
some of their first Mage spells. Accidents do happen, and our healers
are well trained in treating burns.

Step 4 - Food/Water: Our patients are only allowed to eat and drink
what they can conjure themselves. This does lead to some dehydration
and starvation, but fasting is used by many races throughout Azeroth
to clear the mind. This also cuts down our costs, and increases
profitability. Our on-call healers do provide resurrection when
necessary.

Step 5 - Falling: When choosing our location we ensured that an area
would be available for Slow Fall training without taxing our
overworked healers. The 50 foot waterfall works nicely, and the pool
at the bottom catches the slow learners. Some of our patients are a
bit hesitant about jumping, but a little shock from our Nether Rays is
more than enough to get them over the edge. We have a Water Elemantal
in the pool at the bottom to provide an icy incentive to learn
quickly, and provide an introduction to Step 6.

Step 6 - Ice: Besides the waterfall pool, we also have several Water
Elementals employed in a refrigeration cave. After several sessions
with our fire counsellors from Step 3, our patients tend be
enthusiastic about attending a session that does not involve burning.
This tends to be the most calming part of the rehabilitation as brain
functions tend to slow down considerably at the temperature maintained
in the refrigeration room. In order to cut down on frostbite, these
sessions involve games of musical chairs with chairs made entirely of
ice, and the loser being trained first hand on encasing themselves in
an ice block.

Step 7 - Polymorph: Once a patient has demonstrated their ability to
feed themselves, we transfer the feeding of their Nether Ray guards to
them as well. Like all caves this one is home to a large contingent of
Trogs, but Trogs are not one of a Nether Rays preferred foods. A
simple polymorph however will provide the Nether Ray with edible food,
and being awoken in the middle of the night by three hungry Nether
Rays provides significant incentive to learning quickly.

Step 8 -  Blink: At this point in the program, the patient is eating
regularly again and has the caloric energy to participate in our
obstacle course. This course is specifically designed so Blink is
required to complete it without falling down a crevasse or being
caught by one of the more dangerous obstacles. Knowledge of fire and
ice magic will also provide an edge on completing the course quickly
and safely. These races are telecast so you can check up on your
soon-to-be Mage friend, and of course we have goblins available to
take bets on the outcome.

Step 9 - Arcane: The arcane Mages we have employed are rather
secretive about their counseling methods, but with the results they
have provided their requests for soundproofing and one way locks on
the doors seem very reasonable. Their record for injuries is also
lower than any other two sessions put together, and the few cases of
partial polymorphation have all been adequately corrected.

Step 10 - Teleportation: This is the final step of the process, and
ensures that our service is guaranteed. Patients are not permitted to
leave until they can teleport themselves out. After our therapists
have deemed the patients ready to return to society, all therapy
sessions are doubled and sleep is forbidden.

Profit is always a part of any Goblin enterprise and NSGRC is no
exception. For the low price of just 20,000 gold we include an
exclusive restraint and pick up service. Our ten step program is
guaranteed to turn any Warlock into a functioning member of society as
a Mage. For legal purposes NSGRC is classified as a prison, but please
remember we treat all our patients with the utmost care. Our legal
status just allows us to rehabilitate our patients that much more
quickly and cheaply than the competition. So please tell your friends,
but please keep Warlocks in dark. The element of surprise is a very
effective therapy tool.